


Nothing really makes sense anymore

by ForeverDoesntExist



Series: Eurovision Song Challenge [10]
Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Austria, EurovisionSongChallenge, M/M, limits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22931008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverDoesntExist/pseuds/ForeverDoesntExist
Summary: Because when you end a relationship. It's not so simple for everyone else.(Sequel to Part 9)
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu, Yuzuru Hanyu & Javier Raya
Series: Eurovision Song Challenge [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1620127
Comments: 13
Kudos: 32





	Nothing really makes sense anymore

**Author's Note:**

> For day 23 I had: Austria (2019) - Limits by Pænda
> 
> (Sequel to Part 9)

**Mind's got to move, but I'm**

**So trapped within me**

**Expanded all my limits too carelessly**

“Won’t you two just talk?”

To say that Javier had a miserable week was an understatement. His head was killing him and he was two phone calls away from calling it quits and go home.

Show and the future of Spanish skating be damned.

He hadn’t expected to have his life turned upside down, he hadn’t expected to go through his days wondering how on earth things got so bad and how or if they would get better.

These past couple of days were hell. Everyone wondered what had happened between Yuzuru and him, everyone and their mother wanted to know why the lovey-dovey couple of figure skating was suddenly so distant.

Perhaps he should tell them the truth.

_I called it quits because I can’t stand my boyfriend clinging to other people like a whore._

He had a feeling that wouldn’t end well.

Just a feeling.

And that wouldn’t be quite the whole truth. Yes, Yuzuru liked to throw himself at people, he knew that, his friends knew that but he had no idea if he had actually slept with someone else behind his back while they were still together. He had just assumed that from what Yuzuru had told him that day.

“ _Don’t worry, I only used my hands.”_

And because he had been a coward, he had preferred to just not ask.

It would hurt less.

So in the end, the reason why he had given up on them was pure jealousy. Nothing more.

But then again he wasn’t the only one in the wrong, he had asked Yuzuru to tone his actions down more than once and he had never listened. He had always thrown the same card at his face.

_“You knew who I was when you accepted me.”_

Javier thought about that comeback for a long while before asking himself if he had been the only one to hope for more than what Yuzuru could have given him.

He had dreams and hopes for something that perhaps he could never have or ask for. So why had he tried to fight a losing battle?

Because he had hoped he could change him, that somehow Yuzuru would stop his games and stopped trying to get under his skin by using others as his play toys. It became exhausting.

**'Cause nothing really**

**Makes sense no more**

**And how I'd like to say**

**That we'll be better tomorrow**

**Or any day**

Javier had been a fool.

Yuzuru Hanyu couldn’t be changed by anyone but himself. And in the end, Javier had lost all control over himself, completely blinded by his love for him.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Then I’m going home.”

That made Javier pause.

“What?”

Unfortunately Laura didn’t seem to find the whole situation the least bit amusing, as they finally got inside the hotel and she shoved him inside his room. She looked serious and it had been years since he had seen his sister actually being mad him.

Perhaps he should have noticed how everything was affected by his relationship issues, maybe he had been stuck inside his own head for far too long. His friends and family had supported his crazy idea of a show just so he could have his dreams come true and he had somehow thrown them into his shitshow of a love life.

“If you don’t talk to Yuzu and sort this out, I’m going home. The atmosphere is so tense I could cut through it with a knife and half of the time I want to stab myself with that knife because I’m sitting around looking at all of you behave like a bunch of brainless monkeys. Yuzu won’t talk to any of us except Raya who can’t look at you or Sonia, you won’t talk to Yuzu and stick to Sonia like glue. Everyone thinks we did something to the star of the show and by consequence I think the whole Japanese cast hates us!”

How could he have been so selfish?

How distracted could he have been, that everything around him seemed seconds from tumbling down. His dream, his show, everything could end as quickly as it had started and he had only himself to blame.

Javier had been focused on his suffering and sometimes the pain does make you numb to everything that surrounds you. But he would fix it. He owed everyone that much.

“I just…We broke up and I’ve been distracted. I’m sorry.”

Laura’s face immediately morphed from a completely exasperated expression to one of shock. She definitely hadn’t expected that. Javier couldn’t blame her, he hadn’t either.

“You what? I thought you were having a fight! I didn’t know it was that serious, what happened Javier?”

And once again, Javier had no idea how to even begin.

“I just realized that I couldn’t love him the way he wanted me to.”

It was the closest thing to the truth that he could give her. Yuzuru needed someone that understood him, someone that could be okay with anything he would give them.

And unfortunately, that someone couldn’t be Javier after all.

“And you just realized that after all these years?”

No, he had reached that conclusion many times over the years, he had just been too in love with Yuzuru to actually do something about it. Javier had believed that things would change and the prospect of losing Yuzuru had always seemed too daunting to even think about such a possibility.

He had been naïve.

**It's even number than the**

**Ache I felt before**

**So I smile for a while, let the torture begin now**

**The pressure on my chest**

**Becomes almost routine, oh**

“I just finally found the courage.”

Laura no longer seemed mad at him or any of the mess that they had somehow created around them. The situation was not easy for her after all this time either, their families had slowly become one and out of sudden Laura and Saya had become sisters as well. Yuzuru’s mother was no longer Mrs. Hanyu she was also “mom”, just like his own mother had gotten another son that could barely talk to her in the most basic English but that she adored anyways.

He hadn’t thought this through.

Did Yuzuru even care?

“How…how is he?”

“Last time I checked, he invited Raya to play scrabble in his room. Just with fewer clothes and more wordplay, I assume.”

“He wouldn’t…”

“It’s not my problem anymore if he decides to whore around then I-“

He really couldn’t recall the last time Laura had looked at him with such an expression of anger, disappointment and perhaps a bit of pity. But it was certainly the first time that he felt her hand collide with his cheek with such strength that he was sure it would leave a bruise for days.

“I don’t know how things got this far, but what I know is that Yuzuru, that boy that you presented to us as your future husband and the love of your life is not suddenly someone you can just despise and spit on in front of me. You were in this relationship together and if you decided to keep going despite knowing his flaws then that was because you loved him enough to do so. So if it’s time for you to part ways, then so be it but don’t behave like a child and put everything on the line just to spite someone you say you used to love.”

She was right. Like always, she knew him better than he knew himself. He felt ashamed but the pain was all-consuming sometimes, and just for a second he wanted it all to be over.

He wanted to go home, he wanted to go back to that night and never say those words to Yuzuru, he wanted to go back and say no to Brian, he wanted…he wanted to just fall asleep and make the pain stop.

“I just don’t know how to love him.”

Javier did something that he had yearned to do for years, something that he had needed so badly while he was far from home and everything seemed pointless. He threw himself into his sister’s arms and cried.

For everything that he had lost, for everything that he didn’t know how to get back.

**And I'm letting it all come crushing down**

**Come breaking in**

**It's like the rain just left a cloud**

**And I'm talking 'bout you, you, you**

**Author's Note:**

> This was perhaps inspired by the fact that...just because you break up with someone, it doesn't affect only the two people involved. It affects everyone that accepted and welcomed a stranger into their families on both sides.
> 
> So yeah, it's a bit personal but it's somewhat what I imagine that would happen after Yuzuru and Javier being together for so long and suddenly breaking up.


End file.
